He means well . . . .

Those of you that know my husband know he is one of the nicest guys ever.  If anyone needs anything he is right there offering to help and he does the same for me.  He takes very good care of me and tries to make sure all my needs and wants are met.  That being said he is also a guy and maybe some of my reactions come from the pregnancy hormones (its all the pregnancy's fault right?).  The following are a couple of the interactions we have had lately.

Last Saturday he was getting ready to go running outside and I asked if he was going to the track down the street and if so I was going to join him.  He said he would do that so I could get out and walk some.  I put on my running/yoga pants and as we are walking down the street he looked behind me and said "wow, your butt is really big now."  Hmmm, I don't think that's ever a good statement.  And as I tried to pull my shirt lower to cover my butt he tried to tell me it was ok and it looked good.  I don't know about that.  Since then, when discussing the statement he says that his statement was "you can tell your butt is getting bigger." (or something close to that.)  Either way, I don't think its a very good thing to hear and now I need to get longer shirts.

One day last week we were laying on the bed talking and catching up after a long day of work and school and he put his arm around me and onto my stomach and was jiggling it a little then commented "wow, I can fit my hand under your stomach it sticks out so much."  Again, not a statement I was thrilled with.  He says he thinks its cute, but when you feel huge, so much bigger than you think you should, its not always appreciated.  I think I am a little insecure with my stomach for a couple reasons, one of which is I am not used to being this rotund and two, I have seen other's that are farther along than me and don't stick out as much as I do.  My mother has been good at easing my concern saying that everyone grows differently and has different builds.  I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, after all very large babies run in Ross' family, and the thought of a 12 pound baby scares me, maybe just a little.

Last Sunday when I picked Ross up after I was done in primary and we were walking outside Ross told me "So, I was talking to brother Oliver about your pain in your girlie area and . . . "  That's all I heard when I may have over reacted a little.  I was a little shocked and maybe a tiny bit mortified that Ross would be discussing my private areas with a member of our bishopric.  He cut off my little rant to inform me that he was a doctor so it was ok.  I didn't feel very ok with it, not in church and not with someone at church.  After calming down a little I did find it very nice of him that he was trying to be helpful and watch out for me.  He was asking to see if it was a normal pain and if there was anything we could do about it to help ease it.  He does watch out for me and has become even more protective since I have become pregnant and I really do appreciate all he does, I'm just a little bit of a private person with certain matters and wasn't excited to have parts of me discussed at church with a guy I don't know.

Despite these little things that Ross says he is pretty amazing and the best husband I have ever had.  When I wake up in the night and am in too much pain to roll over but it hurts to not roll over he helps me.  He helps me get out of bed in the mornings, probably the only way I would be able to with how bad my back and hips hurt and he is supportive of me finding ways to ease the "fun" pregnancy symptoms.  Even with his less than sensitive comments I think I will keep him.

Food

How I used to love to eat.  But that was back when food tasted good, didn't make me sick and wasn't a chore.  For weeks 8-14 I was so sick that most food made me feel worse and the thought of eating anything was horrible.  However, I knew I must eat so I would make my way to the kitchen, make something simple then go back to be do eat it laying down.  Eventually my dishes would make it back to the kitchen, whether by me on one of my food trips or by an annoyed husband.  I was too sick to care what my kitchen and house looked like.  I soon realized that the more I ate the less sick (to an extent) I felt, so I was eating and eating and then I would eat some more.  I think I was up to eating almost every hour.  Then the doctor told me I couldn't work out for a couple weeks (I had been doing good at going to water aerobics, even when I felt sick) and now I have this extra weight that I am not so fond of, and no, its not from the baby.  Now that the sickness is easing up a little its still a chore to eat but I can be more choosy about what food I put in me and hopefully it will help me loose this extra weight, no, I am not dieting, just hoping not to gain anymore at this time cause honestly I have put on a lot of weight.  Thanks to Bountiful Baskets I get lots of fresh produce every other week.  It gives me a variety and sometimes I get to try a new fruit or vegetable and it gives me healthy options for my snacks.  I just wish I could go back to when food was fun and it tasted good and I didn't have adverse reactions.  I hope it all goes back to normal after August.

Heaven Help Me

I wish someone had warned me.  I didn't know this smell thing would be this bad while I am pregnant.  I avoid some places because of the smells.  I have tried sitting with the congregation at church but there are too many different smells and not all of them good, so we sit in the lobby with the fresh air.  I have had many a conversation/argument about what Bre can get for lunch at work.  With us sitting 3 feet apart what she decides to have for lunch makes a big impact on the rest of my day.  It all started one day, early in the pregnancy, when she brought in Panda Buffet, it was all I could do to hold it in and not vomit in my trash can.  Since then we have had many discussions, some of them a little heated and absurd, about what she can get for lunch.  Usually she is very good about it, but today, man whatever she got is not good at all.  I was talking with someone at church who said that there is no need for a blood hound when a pregnant women is around, and I have come to learn how true that really is.  I have been able to pick up and get sick from the coffee stench at work that is clear across the room.  Ross has looked at me like I'm insane a couple times cause I could smell some things he couldn't and he puts up with me covering his face with a pillow when his breath is not pretty.  I think the spicy breath is the worst part of.  Some things at my home have gone un taken care of because of the smell.  I had thought as the sickness goes away so would the smell factor but its just as strong.

Yea for arms

Yesterday we got to have another ultra sound.  Its still so amazing to me that there is a living, growing thing inside of me.  Today's ultrasound was very interesting to me.  One of the first things both Ross and I noticed at the same time and commented on at the same time was that it has arms.  That is very good to know (no, we weren't that concerned).  Then I noticed that you can actually see the heart inside its body, it was beating away and you could see each beat of the heart.  The tech then showed us more of the body and we could see the little legs, it was on its back with its legs indian style, all folded up.  The tech was trying to get a good picture of the face and when we saw it, I don't know what to say other than it was bizarre.  We could see the face bones and the skull.  Ross commented it looked like a daemon spawn and that I must be right about Ross being a daemon.  It was just so weird to be able to see the face but just the bones.

Its so weird to look at a baby and be able to see the spine, but you can see the arms this time up by its face.  I am almost a week away from being able to see the gender, too bad I didn't put the appointment for next week.  But we have to wait until our next appointment to find out the gender.  The little thing doesn't move very much so I was told to drink a coke or something I don't normally drink next time to see if we can get it moving and hopefully show us its goods.

Spread like wildfire

I am sometimes amazed at how fast word spreads sometimes.  I think at least half my ward knows that I am pregnant and we only told like 3 people a week ago.  People I don't think I have ever talked to was coming up to me yesterday to see how I was feeling.  I was pretty confused at first wondering what they were talking about and hoping I was assuming right that they knew I was pregnant.  Don't get me wrong, I am appreciative with the concern these people are expressing, just stumped at how so many people know so quickly.  I guess I can just chalk it up to relief society, that should explain it all.

Another one of my favorites is EVERYONE, as soon as they find out you are pregnant, have to tell you how horrid their pregnancy was.  Again, I am not complaining since I like to share my woes just like everyone else, its just kind of funny.  I have also found out that as sick as I feel and as exhausted as I get doing absolutely nothing, its nothing compared to what it could be.  I have been under the impression that now that I am out of my first trimester that everything should be rainbows and stickers (everything I have read says its the easiest and everyone loves it) but I am finding that I am still sick, still exhausted and its not that uncommon to still be sick at this point.  I feel like I was lied to.  Stupid books and websites.

Along with everyone sharing their sickness woes they also like to tell you their horror stories.  Its a good thing I am hearing these things after I am pregnant since they would be a great deterrent at not having a family.  Our home teacher and his wife came by yesterday for their monthly visit and most of it was spent hearing horror stories or her c-section.  I am appreciative of the advice, since I was under the impression that c-sections healed faster and was easier on the body, etc.  There are so many things to think about and consider.  Then she heard about the tear in my placenta and uterus wall and she got me a little freaked out.  She was telling me about how bad that can be and it can only get worse and can lead to death (I didn't know it was that serious).  She isn't the first to tell me about how bad this can be and that it can get worse as the baby grows if it doesn't heal, which makes me want to do even less to make sure it heals.  I will get more info when I go to the doctors though, just to make sure I know for sure whats going on.  She left telling me to call her and she will clean my house cause I shouldn't even be sweeping and as nice as it sounds to have someone come clean my house for me I would never consider asking her to since Ross and I are both adults who should be able to keep a little house clean, and I do what I can when I'm not too sick.

Now to just tell my boss. 

So insane

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I have a baby inside of me.  I mean, I knew I was pregnant but to see the ultra sound and the that it actually looks like a baby now and its inside of me.  Its so crazy.

We had to go in for an emergency ultra sound yesterday and we got to see the baby early, my appointment is in Feb.  On Tuesday I was going to get up and get ready for water aerobics and found that I had been bleeding quite a bit.  In a slight panic I called my mom to see if this was something that was normal, all I have heard that is any bleeding when pregnant is a VERY bad thing.  I called the doctor on call and found out that there is really nothing I could do.  I could go to the ER where they can charge me lots of money and they would do an ultra sound, but if I was miscarrying then there is nothing they could do or I could wait and go into the doctors office the next day and just have my co-pay and they would do an ultra sound and see if the baby was still there.  I opted to wait.  My mom came over and my dad and Jared offered to come help Ross give me a blessing.  I called first thing yesterday morning to see when I could get in and I had to wait until 4pm for my appointment, talk about a long day.  When we went into the doctors they took me right in and did the ultra sound and this is what popped up on the screen.  I hadn't expected to see such a well defined baby, I think I was expecting more of a blob, but was really happy that I hadn't miscarried.  It was just a rip between the placenta and the outer wall?  I don't remember everything she was explaining, I was too in awe of this thing inside of me.  Long story short, things are ok but I just can't do anything really physical or strenuous for the next 3 weeks.  I fear I will get bored just sitting around and that it will be harder to get back into working out after the 3 weeks.

We also found out that I was a month ahead of what was originally thought so we got a new due date of Aug 4th.  Which kind of explains some.  My pants are so snug around the waist right now, part of which is cause I am SO bloated all the time.  I have had to jimmy rig my pants and have a rubber band hold them closed cause to do them up its way too tight.  I also have to wear Ross' shirts since they are long enough to cover my rubber band pants and in case my zipper gets all the way undone you can't see it.  I have been wearing sandals for the last couple of weeks cause my feet gets so hot and if I could fit into my shorts I would probably be wearing those too.  However, considering I eat every couple of hours, sometimes constantly, I haven't gained any weight yet, just lots of bloat.

Ross laughs at the ultra sound cause our baby has no arms and the feet are kind of floating and my mom pointed out that the kid already has quite the gut.  Hopefully this kid isn't doomed from the start.

I've been tagged!!

I've been tagged! The deal is to answers the questions below. This will be fun . . .


1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

I don't see Havoc as a child or anything like that but he is def part of the family.  He is still an animal but when he jumps to my aid when Ross is picking on me or when he spends his day cuddling up with me when I am sick in bed its hard to think of him as just some animal in the house.
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

This is a tough one cause I don't really have big things that I really want to happen, just lots of little things.  I would love to be able to complete everything on my bucket list, but that would be a hard one since I am always adding to it, it is great though when I can cross off something and put a date next to it.  It would be great for Ross to be out of school and in a different job.  I think maybe just to be content with my life and what is happening in it instead of always wanting something different or something more.


3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

Fake people.  I don't care if you like me or not, just don't try to pretend that you do or that we are BFF.  I know that not everyone is going to like me and I am ok with that and on the other end don't expect me to have to like you either.  Nothing I have had experience with lately, just something I hate.
4. what would you do with a billion dollars?

Never work again.  And travel. 
5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

A good run with just the right music.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

I can't pick just one cause I feel blessed to have people that love me and that I have people in my life I can love. 


7. What is your bedtime routine?

Its usually quite the process.  I have to get my lunch and snacks ready for work the next day and I usually sit in bed watching tv, trying to comb out the dog and stay awake long enough to get everything done.  It takes a little bit of time cause I hate to make my lunch and gather snacks and never know what my stomach will accept so it takes a while.  Then I wash my face and brush my teeth and after crawling into bed remember its my turn to take the dog out.  When I get back into bed I put the sleep timer on the tv on so when Ross comes to bed he has some light and he doesn't forget to turn it off, and crash.  I fall asleep very easy but its so hard to stay asleep the last 8 weeks.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?


We were both in California and were friends for a year.  Then we both left California, me to Utah and him to Louisiana, where we were friends for a couple months, then tried the long distance thing for 6 months, then were friends for the next 3 years when I gave in and decided to try dating him again (we were finally in the same state) and well, the rest is history.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

I can't think of one person or type of person in particular.  I like to watch how others do things so I can replicate it and put my own twist to it.


10. What kinds of books do you read?

Free books.  I don't have one type of book I always read, sometimes I will read anything I can put my hands on.  I do tend to lean towards fantasy and murder mystery.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I see myself with a family and with Ross having a good secure job so we are financially secure, secure enough that we have extra money left over after bills for extras.


12. What’s your fear?

I've always had a fear of turning off the shower and opening the curtains and finding a stranger in my bathroom with me naked and vulnerable.
13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

I don't think I would.  Outer space isn't really a draw for me.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?


Money def doesn't buy happiness so I would rather be with my husband and happy than to have all the money I would ever need.  I think I would eventually become very lonely if I just had money.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?


I turn on my lamp so I don't fall back to sleep.  Then I think evil thoughts about having to get up at 5:15 for work.


16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?


I think it would have to be his procrastination.  Some days it drives me insane, but he has so much on his plate right now with work and school full time that I try to give him slack on it.


17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?


I wouldn't.  I like my name and can't see me being someone other than Britney.


18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

I do eventually, some things take longer than others to forgive.  I think some things I will never forget, I just have to realize that the person made a mistake.  I wouldn't be able to stay with him if I was unable to forgive him.  And I want him to forgive my mistakes so it would be hypocritical of me to not forgive him.  There are a few things that, later down the road I may be able to forgive, but would definitely end our relationship.


19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

I am having a hard enough time finding something to eat today.  My stomach is so finicky right now that eating is quite the process.  I would love to find something I could eat for the next 6 months, even if just one item, that meets all my nutritional needs.